Just for a laugh.

Got anything else on your mind that isn't about the Warriors? If you do, this is the place to post.
mickh
Posts: 644
Joined: Sun Mar 13, 2005 6:30 pm

Re: Just for a laugh.

Post by mickh »

A blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair so she would look like a brunette.

When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.

After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,

"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.
The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."

The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.

Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.

"If I can guess the real colour of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
mickh
Posts: 644
Joined: Sun Mar 13, 2005 6:30 pm

Re: Just for a laugh.

Post by mickh »

A drunk who reeked of whisky sat down next to a priest on the subway. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of Ballantine's was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?”

The priest replied, "My son, it's caused by carousing with wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, and lack of a bath."

The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned.”, then returned to his paper.

The priest enquired, “Why do you ask, my son?”

The drunk answered, "I was just reading here that the Pope has a touch of it."
mickh
Posts: 644
Joined: Sun Mar 13, 2005 6:30 pm

Re: Just for a laugh.

Post by mickh »

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whisky and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.

He whirled around and screamed,
'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'
wontoofree
Posts: 47
Joined: Tue Jun 05, 2018 4:05 pm

Re: Just for a laugh.

Post by wontoofree »

Husband returns from the pub one night and says to the wife "I met our window cleaner tonight, and he said that he has screwed every woman living in our street except one. Obviously we know who that is haha ?"
"Yes, we do"says the wife,"I'll bet it was that stuck up bitch from number 10"
wontoofree
Posts: 47
Joined: Tue Jun 05, 2018 4:05 pm

Re: Just for a laugh.

Post by wontoofree »

I went to the docs with hearing difficulties and the doc asked me, “can you describe the symptoms?”

I said “yeah, Marge has blue hair and Homer is quite fat”.
wontoofree
Posts: 47
Joined: Tue Jun 05, 2018 4:05 pm

Re: Just for a laugh.

Post by wontoofree »

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her f@#kin appendix out.
wontoofree
Posts: 47
Joined: Tue Jun 05, 2018 4:05 pm

Re: Just for a laugh.

Post by wontoofree »

A man received the following text from his neighbour:

I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess.
I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in: Damn auto correct. I meant "wifi", not "wife.
medlocke
Posts: 10628
Joined: Wed Apr 12, 2006 11:57 am
Location: Millom
Contact:

Re: Just for a laugh.

Post by medlocke »

Some of the reactions of Joels leaving by the Happy Clappers :cool: :lol:
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