Just for a laugh.

Got anything else on your mind that isn't about the Warriors? If you do, this is the place to post.
mickh
Posts: 644
Joined: Sun Mar 13, 2005 6:30 pm

Re: Just for a laugh.

Post by mickh »


Sister Mary Ann

Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas.


As luck would have it, a Texaco Gasoline station was just a block away.


She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. HOWEVER, Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, so she decided not to wait...
and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient!


Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.

As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Protestants watched from across the street.

One of them turned to the other and said,



'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic.'

mickh
Posts: 644
Joined: Sun Mar 13, 2005 6:30 pm

Re: Just for a laugh.

Post by mickh »

Sex and Good Grammar

On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife.

The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on
a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile
dysfunction!

The husband went to the reservation and saw
the medicine man.

The old Indian gave him a potion and with a grip on his shoulder warned,

'This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say

'1-2-3.'

When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your
life, and you can perform for as long as you want."

The man thanked the old Indian and as he walked away, he turned and asked,

"How do I stop the medicine from working?"

"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,' he responded, "but when she does, the
medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved,
took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in
the bedroom.

When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!"

Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began
throwing off her clothes, and then she asked,

"What was the 1-2-3 for?"
mickh
Posts: 644
Joined: Sun Mar 13, 2005 6:30 pm

Re: Just for a laugh.

Post by mickh »


Wisdom from a Jewish man

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?
"Morris Feinberg," he replied.
"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"
"For about 60 years."
"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"
"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims."
"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."
"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man."
"I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests."
"And finally "I pray that everyone will be happy".

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

"Like I'm talking to a f***ing wall"

mickh
Posts: 644
Joined: Sun Mar 13, 2005 6:30 pm

Re: Just for a laugh.

Post by mickh »


Sorry ladies..

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, peels off his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

mickh
Posts: 644
Joined: Sun Mar 13, 2005 6:30 pm

Re: Just for a laugh.

Post by mickh »


The job

A young man goes into the Job Centre in Wigan, and
sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested he goes to learn more -

"Can you give me some more details about this?" he asks the guy
behind the desk.

The Job Centre man sorts through his files and replies - "Oh yes here it is:

The job entails you getting the lady patients ready for the gynecologist.

You have to help them out of their underwear, lie them down and carefully wash their genital regions. You then apply shaving foam and gently shave off all their pubic hair then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the gynecologist's examination. There' s an annual salary of £45,000,but you're going to have to go to Aberdeen, Scotland. That's about 350 miles from here."

"Oh why, is that where the job is at?"

"No sir - that's where the end of the line is!"

mickh
Posts: 644
Joined: Sun Mar 13, 2005 6:30 pm

Re: Just for a laugh.

Post by mickh »


She Has Destroyed My Motor Sport Pleasure

Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, made my lunch,
grabbed the keys, slipped quietly into the garage to load up the tyres
and gear, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

The wind was blowing 80 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned
on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout
the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

My loving wife of 20 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid
husband is out competing in that shit?'

I still don't know to this day if she was joking, but I have stopped
entering any motor sport.

moto748
Posts: 4583
Joined: Fri Dec 26, 2014 5:30 pm

Re: Just for a laugh.

Post by moto748 »

I swapped the lip-balm in my girlfriend's handbag for a Pritt stick.







She's still not talking to me.
josie andrews
Posts: 35573
Joined: Sun Jun 10, 2007 10:17 pm
Location: Wigan
Contact:

Re: Just for a laugh.

Post by josie andrews »

Nicked from elsewhere

A Saints Fan , A Leeds Fan & A Wigan Fan are climbing a mountain & Arguing about who loves his team most .

The Leeds Fan insists he is the most loyal , "This is for Leeds ! " , He Yells & jumps Off the mountain .

Not to be outdone , The Wigan Fan is next to profess his love for his team .

He yells " This is for the Wigan ! " & pushes the Saints Fan Off the mountain! ????????
Anyone can support a team when it is winning, that takes no courage.
But to stand behind a team, to defend a team when it is down and really needs you,
that takes a lot of courage. #18thMan
keptinthedarkfans
Posts: 1750
Joined: Mon Jan 21, 2013 2:11 pm

Re: Just for a laugh.

Post by keptinthedarkfans »

Nathan Brown gets a letter to his house opens it and it's an electricity bill for £10,000 forwarded from st Helens rlfc. He rings the club and says its a mistake I haven't worked for you for years No Nathan sorry but there's no mistake you were the last person in the trophy room in 2014 and you left the bloody lights on.

josie andrews
Posts: 35573
Joined: Sun Jun 10, 2007 10:17 pm
Location: Wigan
Contact:

Re: Just for a laugh.

Post by josie andrews »

keptinthedarkfa​ns​ wrote:Nathan Brown gets a letter to his house opens it and it's an electricity bill for £10,000 forwarded from st Helens rlfc. He rings the club and says its a mistake I haven't worked for you for years No Nathan sorry but there's no mistake you were the last person in the trophy room in 2014 and you left the bloody lights on.
:lol:
Anyone can support a team when it is winning, that takes no courage.
But to stand behind a team, to defend a team when it is down and really needs you,
that takes a lot of courage. #18thMan
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