Not really on the jokes thread but given the discussion
A Para dies and is stood at the pearly gates, St Peter comes out to meet him with a clip board, reads down a page and says "You've lived a good life, served your country and died for what you believed in, welcome to heaven.What is your desire?"
The Para looks confused and asks "What do you mean by that?"
St Peter replies" Heaven is what you make of it, What is your idea of heaven?"
" Anywhere there aren't any bloody Royal Marines" says the Para.
With a wave of his hand St Peter transports them both to a beautiful lake with perfect weather, a beach,snow topped mountains in the distance and beautiful women walking around in bikinis.
" This is perfect, but you are sure there are no marines here?"
Absolutely" replies St Peter.
Just then they both hear the unmistakeable sound of an outboard motor at full tilt and look across the lake to see a rigid skimming across the water driven by a man wearing a green lid.
" You lying git!" cries the Para " Of all the people I've met I didn't think you would lie to me, that man out there that's driving that boat, He's a Royal Marine!"
"I did not lie to you, replies St Peter, "That's not a Royal Marine - that is God - he just thinks he's a royal marine'