Just for a laugh.
Re: Just for a laugh.
No (over) takers eh. Ok.Whats the speed of the dark. !SJ wrote:If cars could travel at the speed of light would may headlights still work? Would I still need to dip them to avoid dazzling on coming traffic? It's such a worry. Kept me awake all night :doz:
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i'm spartacus
- Posts: 534
- Joined: Sat Jul 02, 2011 12:51 pm
Re: Just for a laugh.
A couple decide to get an au pair, and they employ a beautiful 19 year old Swedish girl. In fairly short order, the man who is a 57 year old maths teacher starts an affair with the girl and they decide they are going to run away together. He leaves a note for his wife which reads:
I am sorry, but I am leaving and i am going to live with our beautiful 19 year old au pair. Over the years, our sex life has become mundane, and this girl stirs in me my long forgotten passions.
His wife who is also 57 years old, responds to her husband and sends him a letter which reads.
Unbeknown to you, I too had become bored with our marriage. In an attempt to change my life, I joined a local gym, and I hired a handsome personal trainer who is also 19. We have been having an torrid affair for months and he is far better between the sheets than you are, but hey, you're the maths teacher and you can work out - 19 goes into 57 a lot more times than 57 goes into 19
I am sorry, but I am leaving and i am going to live with our beautiful 19 year old au pair. Over the years, our sex life has become mundane, and this girl stirs in me my long forgotten passions.
His wife who is also 57 years old, responds to her husband and sends him a letter which reads.
Unbeknown to you, I too had become bored with our marriage. In an attempt to change my life, I joined a local gym, and I hired a handsome personal trainer who is also 19. We have been having an torrid affair for months and he is far better between the sheets than you are, but hey, you're the maths teacher and you can work out - 19 goes into 57 a lot more times than 57 goes into 19
Re: Just for a laugh.
Angela Merkel at border control Athens
Official - name?
Merkel!
Nationality ?
German!
Occupation?
No, just here for W/end
Saw my mate Joe this morning. He's only got one arm
Where you off to Joe ?
I'm just going to change my light bulb
That will be difficult eh ?
Not really he said I kept the receipt you insensitive bugger
Official - name?
Merkel!
Nationality ?
German!
Occupation?
No, just here for W/end
Saw my mate Joe this morning. He's only got one arm
Where you off to Joe ?
I'm just going to change my light bulb
That will be difficult eh ?
Not really he said I kept the receipt you insensitive bugger
Re: Just for a laugh.
Spent 2 hours last night defrosting the fridge. The wife calls it "foreplay"
Re: Just for a laugh.
Whilst writing my will last night I called out to my wife When I die I'm going to leave everything to you. She shouted back You already do you lazy buggerSJ wrote:Spent 2 hours last night defrosting the fridge. The wife calls it "foreplay"
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morley pie eater
- Posts: 3248
- Joined: Tue May 02, 2006 2:01 pm
Re: Just for a laugh.
Saints fan to travel agent: "I fancy a short break not too far away. Where do you recommend?"
Travel agent: "You can't beat Leigh at this time of year!"
Travel agent: "You can't beat Leigh at this time of year!"
Wigan 
Saints
Saints Re: Just for a laugh.
Postman Pats last day before his retirement
His first call he was met with congratulations, kisses and hugs.
At his second call he was given a 15 yr mature bottle off single malt Whiskey and 10 quid
At the third house he was met with a lady partially dressed who led him to her bedroom and gave him the best seeing to he'd ever experienced. She prepared him a full English breakfast and gave him a pound coin When asked why the pound? She replied. When I told my husband you were retiring and what I should do he said fk him. Give him a quid. The breakfast was my idea.
His first call he was met with congratulations, kisses and hugs.
At his second call he was given a 15 yr mature bottle off single malt Whiskey and 10 quid
At the third house he was met with a lady partially dressed who led him to her bedroom and gave him the best seeing to he'd ever experienced. She prepared him a full English breakfast and gave him a pound coin When asked why the pound? She replied. When I told my husband you were retiring and what I should do he said fk him. Give him a quid. The breakfast was my idea.
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josie andrews
- Posts: 35784
- Joined: Sun Jun 10, 2007 10:17 pm
- Location: Wigan
- Contact:
Re: Just for a laugh.
A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table..He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.
'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place.. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.'
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks...
They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.
After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The bloke was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!
'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman.. Are you this nice to every bloke you meet?'
'No,' she replies. . ....
Wait for it ... .....
It's coming ..... .......
The suspense is killing you, isn't it?
She said ... ....:
'You just happened to catch my eye.'
Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.
'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place.. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.'
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks...
They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.
After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The bloke was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!
'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman.. Are you this nice to every bloke you meet?'
'No,' she replies. . ....
Wait for it ... .....
It's coming ..... .......
The suspense is killing you, isn't it?
She said ... ....:
'You just happened to catch my eye.'
Anyone can support a team when it is winning, that takes no courage.
But to stand behind a team, to defend a team when it is down and really needs you,
that takes a lot of courage. #18thMan
But to stand behind a team, to defend a team when it is down and really needs you,
that takes a lot of courage. #18thMan
Re: Just for a laugh.
Now I know this is a union game but this is rather funny and nice to see a ref with the ability to make a joke of a situation.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTYvF6IIKkQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTYvF6IIKkQ