Disaster appeal

[highland convert]

A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter Scale hit St. Helens in the early hours of Friday with its epicentre in Knowsley Road.

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering “Faaackinell”.

The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.

Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond repair.

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived. Liverpool FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in St Helens.

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, “It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Trisha the next morning.”

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings,including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:
Fila or Burberry baseball caps
Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
Shell suits (female)
White sport socks
Rockport boots
Any other items usually sold in Primark.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include:

Microwave meals,
Tins of baked beans,
Ice cream,
Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.
22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.
£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.
£5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
**Breaking news**

Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop.
‘Where are you bleeding from?’ they asked, “St. Helens” said the girl, “woss that gotta do wiv you?

Recieved by email With apologies to original author.

[highland convert]

Sorry, las, could not resist it. Knowing you means I know St. Helens not all that bad. How could it be , you live there. HC (crawling and grovelling as usual)sneeks of to hide in the corner,

[highland convert]

Have to be bored Watched stains game. Worst reffing I have seen from Thaler. Might as well have given them the points at the start and gone home. 5 trys should not have been awarded. 3 forward passes and two gift penalies. bored witless

[turf]

Wrong thread about Thaler???????? :conf: :conf: :conf: :conf:

I thought he had an outstanding game personallym he kept a lid on things, spoke to players who were giving him earache, penalised the throwing away of the ball, and generally as per usual with Mr Thaler, let the game flow as best he could.

General Rugby League and the thread title, "I was again impressed......".

[the big i]

Nobby`s Girl posted:
Must admit i didnt watch most of the second half, got very bored myself!

You didn't watch dr who and all did you?

[royston]

fantastic laugh iv,e never been in so much hysterical side splitting ooooo its hirt my sides

[Bert's Medal]

HC - it's an old one, but still a very funny one :exc:

I'll have to search my files tomorrow to find the Liverpool Olympic Bid one

[FROM A TO B]

and already posted in gen RL thread Hull, first casualty of the weather!

[fitzy]

very good sounds like a to b's but very good